How to actually acquire crypto

Assumption: you have a wallet already. If you don't, go back and do that first, otherwise you'll buy crypto and immediately leave it on an exchange, which is the opposite of the point.

The four ways, ranked

Ranked by ease of use. The order flips completely if you rank by privacy.

1. A regulated exchange

Coinbase in the US, Kraken almost everywhere, Binance in most of the world. Sign up, do the ID verification (yes, it's annoying, it's the price of using a card), fund the account with a bank transfer or debit card, buy your coin, withdraw it to your own wallet. That last step is not optional.

Bank transfer is cheaper than card and takes a day or two. Card is instant and costs you 2 to 4 percent on top of the spread. Pick whichever hurts less.

2. Peer to peer

Bisq, Robosats (Lightning), HodlHodl, LocalMonero. You're trading with a person, not a company. Fees are lower and there's no KYC on the actual trade. In exchange you learn how escrow works, you eat a bit of a spread from the seller, and you accept that some trades get cancelled and you try again.

First-timer advice: pick a seller with hundreds of completed trades. Read every instruction they post. Never release escrow before the payment has actually settled in your bank, especially with SEPA Instant lookalikes and PayPal, which can be reversed.

3. Bitcoin ATM

Convenient, cash-in-hand, and horrifically expensive. Expect 8 to 15 percent all-in. Fine for a small emergency top-up. A bad idea as your regular method.

4. Get paid in it

Freelance clients, side work, tips. Best rate on earth is no rate. If you can invoice in crypto without hurting your business, do it.

The buy, in order

1. Fund the exchange. Bank transfer if you can wait, card if you can't.
2. Buy the coin you actually plan to use. If your vendor takes USDT, buy USDT. If it's BTC, buy BTC. Don't buy the wrong one and pay a swap fee to fix it.
3. Go to Withdraw. Paste your wallet address. Triple-check the first four and last four characters.
4. Pick the right network. This is the step that eats money. See below.
5. Send $10 first as a test. Wait for it to land in your wallet. Then send the rest.

Networks: pick the right one or it's gone

The same coin can exist on multiple chains. USDT lives on Tron (TRC20), Ethereum (ERC20), Solana, and several others. If you send USDT on Ethereum to a Tron address, it's gone. Your wallet, your exchange, and your therapist can't help.

• Vendor says "USDT TRC20" means Tron network, address starts with T.
• Vendor says "USDT ERC20" means Ethereum network, address starts with 0x.
• Bitcoin addresses start with 1, 3, or bc1. Lightning invoices are much longer and start with lnbc.

Fees, actually adding them up

Every purchase has at least three:

• Spread (the difference between the exchange's buy and sell price). Usually invisible, usually the biggest.
• Trading fee (0.1 to 1.5 percent depending on the venue and payment method).
• Withdrawal fee (flat fee to send it out to your wallet). Big on Ethereum, tiny on Tron and Lightning.

Rule of thumb for a card purchase on a mainstream exchange: assume you're paying 3 to 5 percent all-in before your coins even reach your wallet. If a "deal" promises less than that, look closer.